How This Couple Approached Their Prenup With Honesty and Balance

Beneath the Pacific sun, Luisa (*a pseudonym has been used to protect anonymity) and her husband are midway through an ambitious voyage: sailing their boat from Seattle to Fiji, with family and friends joining them along the way. “It’s been quite the ride, a big learning curve,” she laughs. Some days there are dolphins dancing around the bow and the reefs feel untouched and pristine, filled with thousands of fish. It is a once-in-a-lifetime trip while they are on sabbatical, but things break, challenges arise, and it becomes a kind of relationship test. That same balance of wonder and honesty shaped the conversations the British couple had before their wedding in France, not about flowers or seating charts, but about their prenup. “The topic wasn’t something we ever shied away from during our relationship (together for nine years, two of them married) because we both work in finance.

Max comes from a more financially savvy family with long-held assets and property to protect, while Luisa grew up with less exposure to that world. Professionally, both were thriving. She had built a decade at JP Morgan with a clear career track ahead, while he had taken a more entrepreneurial path, started projects, and taken risks. When it finally came down to drafting the agreement, there were some emotional surprises,” Luisa admits. Between the complications of European versus UK law and the surreal timing of getting engaged, feeling so excited, and then suddenly spending a month discussing what would happen if you got divorced, it was at times a jarring process.

Still, she is clear about its value. “Coming from parents who went through a horrific divorce, and with my sister’s divorce too, I saw first-hand what happens when no one knows what the outcome will be. My mom was left in a situation she never expected. So, it felt important to put something in place. More than anything for the peace of mind of knowing where you stand if things go wrong.”

It was against this backdrop that questions of money, family assets, and what felt fair between the two of them began to take shape.

“Our circumstances were very different. Max’s family own a couple of homes and it was clear they wanted to protect that, which I understood. What did surprise me was the family home question for us. I had assumed we would buy together and co-own, but that became a point of back and forth.”

Money, Family Assets, and What Feels Fair

A grounded look at who brings what into the marriage, and how that shapes the baseline of “fair.”

Luisa: “Our circumstances were very different. Max’s family have a couple of family homes and there was a clear incentive to protect that, which I always knew and was fine with. What did surprise me was the family home question for us. I had assumed that when we came back from sailing, we would buy a home together and co-own it, especially if we had kids. That is how I grew up. Max initially felt that if he put in more money, it would be his house. That became a real back and forth point. Having lawyers involved helped because they argue what a court would see as fair and take the emotion out. For me, if we build a family home together it should be jointly owned regardless of who transfers more on paper. That is not about advantage, it is about how families actually function.”

Earnings Versus Assets

Luisa’s lawyer mentioned that around 60 percent of women now earn more than their husbands, which is something to seriously consider.

“If Max has assets ring fenced as family money, such as stocks, bonds or rental income, the yield on those is still excluded from the marital pot. By default, only employment income is considered, which could leave me considerably worse off. For example, if I earned $100,000 from employment each year and Max earned $50,000 from employment plus $50,000 from pre-marital assets, after ten years we should split $1.5 million of employment income rather than the full $2 million we actually lived on. We made provisions to make this more fair.

We also addressed another complexity in a 50:50 contract: financing claims. If one person contributes more to a mortgage, the other can later demand reimbursement to prove equal contribution. My lawyer said she had a client who spent months going through twenty years of receipts to evidence this. We added a clause removing that option, simply to avoid unnecessary conflict. These kinds of small clauses, explained by a good lawyer, make all the difference. It is easy to see how people get caught out by the details.”

Jurisdiction, UK vs France, and Why Place Matters

Before you sign anything, understand how different legal systems treat marriage, assets, and separation.

Luisa: “It is so important to understand where the law sits because it varies by country. In the UK judges have a lot of discretion to allocate the family pot. It is often favorable to women, especially with children, with an aim to keep her in the lifestyle she had if possible. In France and much of Europe it is more black and white. You pick a contract, almost a bucket. Either you leave with what you came in with, or you create a community of what you both contribute during the marriage. If I had moved to France, stopped working for ten years and the house was paid by Max, without the right contract I could have walked away with basically nothing. I had naively extrapolated the UK lens across Europe. You can try to address jurisdiction in a prenup, but not everything will be allowed. Language and nationality matter too. Getting divorced in a place where you do not speak the language puts you at a disadvantage.”

Kids, Careers, Postnups, and Building in Protection

The reality of caregiving and career shifts calls for clauses that evolve with your life.

Luisa: “Children change the practical picture. My lawyer had to push my case because the opposing view was the classic ‘most women drop out and stop contributing’. Even if that is true for some, that is not automatically me. I want to keep working. Still, I have seen women’s careers take the hit. You leave early. You pick up the slack. So, we agreed to revisit and rewrite with a postnup if we have kids so there is more safety for me. You never fully know how you will feel until you are there, so writing the intention into the document matters. We also added softer clauses about moving because legality shifts by country. It is not as strong as a full rewrite, but it shows intent for a judge to consider if circumstances change.”

“Children change the practical picture. My lawyer had to push my case because the opposing view was the classic ‘most women drop out and stop contributing’. Even if that is true for some, that is not automatically me.”

Starting a Business, Future Plans, and Protecting What You Build

If you plan to create something, ring-fence it now so you are not forced to dismantle it later.

Luisa: “Even if a business does not exist yet, write for that future. We added terms so that if one of us starts a company and it becomes sizable, we do not have to liquidate it to fund a divorce. I cannot imagine building something for ten years and then seeing it put at risk because of process. For Max there was also something deeply personal at stake. His grandfather had bought a piece of land in Normandy nearly a century ago and built a house there that has been in the family ever since. It was hugely important to him that the property remained fully protected, outside of any divorce settlement. For me, that made sense, because some assets carry more than financial value, they carry family history and identity.

Likewise, we plan to live somewhere in Europe, maybe Italy, maybe France, maybe Geneva. That uncertainty makes hard rules tricky, so we used so-called moral clauses and agreed to revise if we move or have children. Even passports can matter. My lawyer warned that taking a French passport could make it easier to be pulled into French courts. I may still do it because I want to live in Europe, but at least I understand the trade-off.”

Lawyers, Costs, and the Actual Process

Choose counsel who can translate fairness into terms your partner and a judge will accept.

“Fire fast if the fit is wrong. My first lawyer was French and although she spoke English, it was not strong enough to make me feel understood. Her attitude was also that I was marrying into a ‘better’ family and therefore the weaker party, which I found frustrating. A friend advised me to switch, so I did a few free consultations and quickly found a bilingual lawyer who gave me real confidence. She explained outcomes, judge discretion, and why certain things were fair, and she could communicate that to Max in a way he could hear.

Cost is mostly time. With simple finances you could do it in one or two hours, but we had custom pieces so there was more back and forth. One clause ring fenced my pension contributions, as my previous employer JPMorgan had been very generous and Max wanted to ensure that pot was protected as a safety blanket for me. In the end I spent a few hours, Max maybe five or six, roughly four thousand euros overall. It is nothing compared to a divorce. The lawyers exchanged drafts, we had two joint calls, and the final contract was signed with a solicitor in Paris a week before the wedding. We had started three to four months in advance, which gave enough time without feeling rushed. It was straightforward, just detailed.

The only real complexity for international couples is that contracts are not always recognized across legal systems. Both our lawyers were dual specialists, which mattered because otherwise a UK judge could have invalidated a French-based agreement. In hindsight it might have been easier to start with an English contract and make it applicable in France, but as long as you check jurisdiction early it does not need to be complicated.

And honestly, even if you both start with nothing, at least have the conversation. You learn what your partner really thinks while you are happy and able to talk like adults.”

Read more from our Decoding Prenups & Postnups series

The Modern Couple’s Guide to Pre- and Post-Nups

When to Discuss a Prenup, and What It Should Include